The Filthy Cat People Have Put a Hex on Me

Your beloved Teezy and his house of Steeze is being plagued by a pox more foul than Lindsay Lohan's art direction for Ungaro and her spray-tan juice combined.

You may have noticed in some of my past musings that I may have inadvertently mentioned my dear and beloved friends the filthy cat people here and there.

It seems that some of my comments have been taken out of context by the filthy cat lover community and they now feel somewhat maligned by me.

As of late, I have become aware of certain abnormal activities around my person and my home. I have come to the conclusion that the only individuals who could possibly be responsible for these abnormalities are filthy cat people.

Whenever I step out of my front door I am confronted with growls, hisses and assorted cat shrieks—strangely I haven't seen a single cat, just rustling in the bushes around my home.

When I have the pleasure of passing one of the numerous feral felines that grace my fair city, their ears go flat, they expose their teeth and stare at me until I am out of eyesight.

I honestly thought that this was just a simple misunderstanding that would eventually clear itself.

Until, I woke up to this:

Santa Fe Steeze: Curse of the Filthy Cat Lady
by santafesteeze

The demon cat face apparition appeared in the koi pond. It is made a solid ice and it's eyes seem to follow me around the courtyard.

Why, filthy cat people, do you hate me so?

I think that some of my comments have been misinterpreted.

When I said that you reek of cat piss and your lives are comprised of nothing more than pebble covered turds, I was trying to convey my deep appreciation and admiration for the way you so skillfully and graciously tend to our little kitty friends. I in no way believe that it is twisted and beyond revolting to willingly keep a box of gravel and cat shit in your home, or trailer, or tent, or wherever the hell it is that you people live.

I was also sincere when I expressed my desire to share carpet cleaning tips with you. Although I haven't experienced the luxury of having animals defecate in my home or even around my immediate proximity, I do believe that my carpet could only be improved by utilizing whatever industrial-strength disinfectant the ASPCA uses to neutralize the biohazards you call home.

So, there you have it, just a simple misunderstanding.

In order to end the curse that you have placed upon me and my home, I wish to extend the proverbial olive branch to all my filthy cat people friends.

I would like to introduce you to the newest additions to the Teezy family:

Mr Pickles

Ticklebits

Mr. Pickles and Ticklebits!! I have named them after two of my favorite things, pickles and (of course) my ticklish bits.

I have even taken the advice from one of my bestie cat lady friends and have knitted Ticklebits a sweater and hat from residual cat hair. (I call it catschmere). As you can see, I had to shave him to get the fur instead of gleaning it from the vacuum cleaner, but it is winter here and I thought it best not to wait for the hair to fall out naturally.

Although Mr. Pickles and Ticklebits are not currently living in my home, you must believe that I am diligently working on adopting them from the local shelter but, as many of you may know, adoption is an extremely political process and could take a very long time to finalize.

Wish me luck!

Now, will you please remove this demon cat face apparition from my courtyard:

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