How Teezy Gets All Spooky for the Kids

I have found that the best way, and, in my opinion, the most civilized way to deal with large quantities of other peoples children is to drink. So, in preparation for tomorrow nights Halloween festivities, I have decided to partake of one of my favorite seasonal libations—the apple cider martini.

The kids never seem to mind, although to them I am just another one of the creepy-olds. Sometimes I do get a little side-eye from a few of the adults. This obvious display of indignation is quite helpful actually, it enables me to determine which neighbors to be friendly with and which to avoid. I think that these side-eye neighbors are the same ones that interrupt my Saturdays in the courtyard (I have got to get a gate that locks) trying to get me to buy their religion and that magazine The Watchpost, or The Lamptower, or whatever the hell it is called. There is supposed to be no soliciting in my neighborhood but that doesn't seem to stop the hooked-on-Jesus freaks from trying to sell me their crap. Don't get me wrong, I am Christian, I just don't believe in pushing my beliefs on others. There are many paths to God.

Wait a minute, I digress and all this hate-speak is killing my buzz. Back to my martini...

One of my favorite memories of fall is drinking apple cider. I mean the real stuff, not that weird apple juice junk that a lot of the grocery stores sell in the regular juice isle. Here in New Mexico we have a locally famous orchard named Dixon's Apples that produces great apples and cider, but you can find real apple cider this time of year just about everywhere.

So I begin with my cocktail shaker:

This photo makes me sad. The longing, the abject loneliness. My cocktail shaker needs his friends and this Saturday we are having a sleep-over:

Now this is what I consider welcome house guests. Making an apple cider martini is quite simple. You will need the following:

1 jigger of Vodka

1/2 jigger of De Kuyper cinnamon liqueur (or less, you know that all that De Kuyper stuff is pretty nasty—unless you are a sixteen year old girl trying to get drunk for the first time)

2 jiggers of apple cider

Ground Cinnamon

Sugar

Fill your cocktail shaker with ice. Add the Vodka, the cinnamon liqueur and a dash of ground cinnamon. I use the cinnamon powder that comes in a jar. You can grind yours fresh if you want to be all Martha Stewart. While you are at it, why don't you sell out to Macys and turn your television show into a glorified Home Shopping Network for "Martha Stewart" shit that other people designed (blarf!).

Oops, I am getting sidetracked again...

So, you probably know the rest—shake the stuff in you cocktail shaker. Wait, I forgot, you also add the apple cider to the shaker (unfortunately you have to add the cider or you will just come across as some nasty drunk) and pour it into a martini glass that has a rim of cinnamon-sugar (you can skip the cinnamon-sugar part later in the evening when your groove becomes more important than pretension).

And Voila...

The perfect apple cider martini.

So, if you are trick-or-treating in Santa Fe tomorrow and you knock on a door and some seriously spooky dude answers with a martini glass and slurs "Havvy Halmoveen!!!" to your children with that charming look of inebriation, you have stumbled upon my house.

Please feel free to stay for a while—unless you are one of those self-righteous side-eye looking neighbors.

If you are one of the D-list neighbors, you will need to get the hell off my property and be thankful that although I did answer the door drunk, I at least had my pants on.

email me: Teezy

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